


I Still Need Love Cause I'm Just a Man

by hourglassmermaid



Series: Do You Miss Me Like I Miss You [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alcohol, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland Friendship, Alec Lightwood & Maia Roberts Friendship, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Angst, Comforting Jace, Drinking, Drunk Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Heartbreak, Hunter's Moon Bar (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Jace Wayland, Parabatai Bond, Sad Alec, post 2x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hourglassmermaid/pseuds/hourglassmermaid
Summary: “What do you want from me, Jace? I’m sad. But I’m still head of this Institute, and we’re still on the brink of war. I don’t have time to just be sad, so I figured why not multitask with a little target practice,” he took another swig from the open can beside him and placed it back down on the floor.Alec fumbled around on the ground looking for another arrow. When he found one, he struggled to get it into position with his bow. This wasn’t the Alec that Jace was used to fighting with. This wasn’t the highly skilled archer who could take out a Prince of Hell with a single shot. This was a shell of a warrior who needed help.---Or the one where Jace is a good parabatai and comforts Alec at Hunter's Moon after his fight with Magnus. Cause if Jace expects Alec to talk to him about Clary in 2x19, he better have talked to Alec about Magnus first!





	I Still Need Love Cause I'm Just a Man

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this is the first work in my series Do You Miss Me Like I Miss You, which basically just focuses on how Alec & Magnus deal with the immediate aftermath of their breakup. I've had this idea brewing for awhile, but I don't think I could've actually written it if they hadn't gotten back together at the end of 2x20. This installment centers around Alec getting comforted by Jace. 
> 
> Title comes from [Stay With Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB-5XG-DbAA) by Sam Smith.
> 
> Thank you to my beta [Meyer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meyer)! I don't know what I'd do without you. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Ever since they became parabatai in their early teens, Jace could always sense when something was wrong with Alec. Jace had felt it when Alec broke his leg fighting Shax demons alone in Central Park, felt Alec’s first hangover after the night they raided Robert and Maryse’s liquor cabinet, and now felt Alec’s protective, ever-loving heart shattering.

Alec had told him that he and Magnus had been fighting -- that Magnus hadn’t taken the news about the Soul Sword particularly well -- but Jace had never imagined anything would be able to tear their bond apart. 

Magnus and Alec had the most stable relationship Jace had ever witnessed. Growing up with the Lightwoods, it was clear that Robert and Maryse were mostly together to save face in front of the Clave. Valentine and Jocelyn’s marriage had clearly been volatile to say the least. And his own relationship with Clary had been rocky at best. Jace had never told Alec this before, but he looked up to his brother’s relationship for inspiration in his own love life. So many people walked in and out of Jace’s life that he clung to any constants he could just to have a sense of fleeting stability. 

But his brother’s relationship was over, and Jace could sense that Alec needed him. 

Jace didn’t have to work too hard to find Alec; he had a tendency to retreat to the Institute’s training room whenever he was upset, and Jace could feel his energy there. He cautiously entered the room, trying not to startle Alec or disturb whatever he was doing. However, Jace’s own breath hitched at the scene he found. 

Alec was sitting on the ground with his back against a pole in the center of the room. His bow was loosely draped around his torso, and he was lazily shooting arrows at the targets on the back wall. There was a six pack of beer with two empty slots to his right and a barely touched bottle of whiskey to his left. His arrows were spilling out of his quiver and were scattered about.

Jace wasn’t overly concerned by the prospect of Alec’s target practice. He knew that that was Alec’s preferred method of clearing his head, just shooting some arrows and thinking about life. However, he was concerned by the fact that Alec was drinking while doing it, especially considering Alec wasn’t normally all that fond of drinking. 

Alec looked up as Jace approached. “So you felt it?” he asked. Jace nodded. 

Alec sighed. “Secret’s out, I guess. Alec Lightwood fucked up his first and only relationship.” He reached for the open can next to him and took a drink. It was worse than Jace had anticipated; Alec was spiraling out faster than Jace ever could have expected him to. 

“Come on, man. Not only is this pathetic to look at, but it’s dangerous as hell,” Jace gestured to the arrows lying haphazardly next to the six pack of beer. He knelt down and picked up one of the cans. “I didn’t even think you liked beer. I thought you were more of a champagne man.”

Jace realized he was being insensitive, but that was pretty much his calling card of human emotions. He hoped that deep down Alec would appreciate the sense of normalcy. Jace assumed Alec wouldn’t appreciate being coddled. 

Alec tried to glare at him, but he seemed too emotionally drained to really be able to pack a punch. Instead of giving Jace a look filled with malice and loathing, Alec’s hazel eyes were glossy and filled with melancholy. The pain in Alec’s face tugged at Jace’s heart and he felt a slight glimpse of the agony Alec was going through. He wanted to help ease some of Alec’s suffering, however he could. 

“What do you want from me, Jace? I’m sad. But I’m still head of this Institute, and we’re still on the brink of war. I don’t have time to just be sad, so I figured why not multitask with a little target practice,” he took another swig from the open can beside him and placed it back down on the floor. 

Alec fumbled around on the ground looking for another arrow. When he found one, he struggled to get it into position with his bow. This wasn’t the Alec that Jace was used to fighting with. This wasn’t the highly skilled archer who could take out a Prince of Hell with a single shot. This was a shell of a warrior who needed help. 

Alec released his grip on the arrow and fired about as far away from the target as he could manage. The arrow whizzed through the air heading directly towards Jace. He quickly leaped out of the way and yelled an annoyed, “Hey!” as the arrow sunk down into one of the Institute’s support beams. 

“You’re going to kill someone. More importantly, you almost killed me.”

Alec shrugged and dropped his bow. Jace walked over to the support beam and yanked out the arrow. He threw it down into Alec’s quiver. 

“Come on, get up,” Jace commanded, reaching his hand down to pull Alec up, “We’re getting out of here.” 

Using Jace as leverage, Alec pulled himself to his feet, “Where are we going?”

“Look, if you want to get drunk and mope about your boyfriend, that’s fine, but we’re gonna do it right.”

Alec shot him a confused glance but didn’t protest. Jace figured he was pretty much on autopilot at this point. 

Jace had been through breakups before, but Alec hadn’t. His brother wasn’t used to feeling this kind of heartache, and it killed Jace to see him so miserable. Even though he wasn’t the most outwardly sensitive person, he was going to help Alec in his own way, see if there was anything he could do to remove the despair from Alec’s eyes.

xXx

They reached Hunter’s Moon about ten minutes later. When Alec realized where Jace was taking him, he shook his head in disapproval. “No, Jace. Let’s go somewhere else. What if we see someone we know here?”

“Yeah, and what if we go to some mundane bar and you start sobbing over your warlock boyfriend? How are we going to explain that? Do you want to pay Raphael to encanto a whole bar? You know that’s coming straight out of your 401 K--” 

Alec waved his hands in the air, effectively cutting Jace off, and rolled his eyes in defeat. “Fine, fine, but I don’t want everyone knowing the intimate details of my life.” 

Jace slung an arm around Alec’s shoulders as they walked through the doors to the bar. “I promise to fight off anyone we know.” 

This turned out to be an empty promise, however. When Jace and Alec entered Hunter’s Moon, they were immediately greeted by a familiar mess of curls with a blue bomber jacket. 

“Oh, if it isn’t my favorite pretty boy,” Maia mused. She was standing behind the counter drying an empty pitcher. Alec was standing beside Jace, trying desperately to make himself as small and invisible as possible, but Maia still noticed him. “Hey Alec. You know Magnus was just in here a little while ago. You just missed him.”

Jace watched Alec grimace. He felt knots twisting in his own stomach. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea taking Alec here. 

“That’s okay. I don’t think he wants to see me right now,” Alec replied. Maia stopped what she was doing and studied Alec’s face. 

“Trouble in paradise?” she asked sympathetically. 

“Something like that,” Alec said as he slumped down at the bar. 

Jace hopped onto the stool next to him. “So, if you could get him something strong, that’d be much appreciated.” 

“Coming right up.” Maia nodded as she padded down the bar to make their drinks. 

Alec turned towards Jace. “I told you, I don’t want everyone in the Downworld to know about my relationship drama.”

“You know how everyone likes to gossip.” 

“Yeah,” Alec sighed, “I just wish they had nothing _to_ gossip about.” 

Jace gave him an apologetic glance. “What happened between you guys anyway?” he asked as earnestly as he could manage, “Like, I know things have been tense between you guys lately. But this?”

Jace knew that he was approaching a fine line with Alec. He knew that talking so openly about the intimate details of his life was still new territory for Alec, and Jace didn’t want to scare him away. But he also didn’t want to make Alec angry by being too distant or insensitive. 

He just wanted to understand what exactly was tearing his brother apart, so he could help put him back together. 

Alec took a long moment to think before he spoke. Jace could tell he was considering his words carefully. 

“Well, _tense_ doesn’t begin to describe it --” Alec began but was interrupted as Maia set a glass of liquor in front of him and a bottle of beer in front of Jace. Alec flashed her a forced smile, and Jace offered her a, “Thanks Maia,” before she nodded and left to wait on her other patrons. They were both grateful for some privacy. 

Alec took a tentative sip of his drink. His eyes widened momentarily and then narrowed to scrutinize the beverage as he turned it around in his hands. “There can’t be alcohol in this,” he stated, confused. 

Jace made a gesture that indicated he wanted to try a sip, so Alec passed it to him. Jace took a small drink and set the glass back down in front of Alec. “Yeah, no, there’s definitely alcohol in this. Maia just got what I meant when I said ‘strong.’”

Maia perked up from across the bar when she heard her name, and Jace flashed her a thumbs up. She returned the gesture before resuming her conversation with another werewolf. Jace thought his name was Babs, maybe Bob? It didn’t matter. 

“This is dangerous, I can barely taste it,” Alec said.

“That’s the point,” Jace countered. He took a swig from his bottle of Blue Moon. _How sweet of Maia to remember my favorite brand_ , Jace thought to himself before turning his attention back to Alec. “Now, you were saying.” 

Alec looked around the room to make sure no one was listening. “Well, I told you about the Soul Sword.”

“Yeah, and you said you told Magnus about it too, right?” 

Alec gulped down some more of his drink, cringing. “That’s not exactly what happened.” Jace raised a brow questioningly. 

“Cleophas sent Luke a fire message telling him what happened, and Luke told Magnus,” Alec continued. 

“Wait, so Magnus didn’t find out about the Soul Sword from _you_?” Jace exclaimed, incredulous.

“No.”

“Damn.” They both took sips from their drinks. At this rate, Alec was going to need a refill every ten minutes. 

“I betrayed his trust. I lied to him. I kept information from him that endangered his people. I --” 

Jace cut him off. “Hey, hey, calm down,” he placed a soothing hand on Alec’s back, “Yeah, you messed up, but you guys will get through this. You always do.” 

Alec stared at him with a solemn expression on his face. “I don’t know that we will,” he swallowed hard before finishing, “Not this time.” 

Alec was their fearless leader, courageous on and off of the battlefield. He always put others above himself and fought for what was right, but the Alec sitting before him now was miserable and lost. 

Jace knew that Alec truly believed he was protecting Magnus by not telling him about the Soul Sword, and that had to be why this was so hard for him. It wasn’t like he and Magnus were fighting just because Alec had been an ass. Alec thought he was doing the right thing, but everything still blew up in his face. It was a lose-lose situation. 

Alec was doubting himself as a leader, a fighter, and a shadowhunter. Jace finally understood that everything under Alec’s jurisdiction was spiraling out of control -- his relationship, his family, the Institute -- and he needed Jace to anchor him so that he wouldn’t drown in the chaos of it all. 

Alec nursed his drink to completion while they sat in silence, alone with their thoughts. Jace signaled Maia to bring Alec another drink, and she set it down in front of him. “Be careful, okay?” she urged him. Alec nodded but then started sucking down his second cocktail as soon as Maia turned her back. 

Jace shot him a warning glance, but Alec didn’t cease drinking. Jace just rolled his eyes and resumed their conversation. “Okay well, Magnus is upset, and he has every right to be --”

Alec stopped gulping down his drink for a moment and snorted. “That’s an understatement.” 

“But he loves you. Just give him some time, he’ll come around.” Jace took a swig from his beer. 

“I don’t know. For Magnus, it’s more than just me lying to him. I compromised the safety of the entire Downworld by keeping this from him.” 

“But it’s not your fault! Clary and I were the ones closest to the Sword when it disappeared.”

Alec awkwardly swung his hand up in protest. “I’m the Head of the Institute, though. I’m responsible for keeping all of the New York Shadow World safe,” Alec downed the rest of his drink, “And I can’t even protect the High Warlock of Brooklyn.” 

“Hey, slow down. These are gonna hit you hard any minute.” 

“I don’t wanna slow down. For once in my life, I just wanna let go and forget about my fucked up life.” Alec’s head was in hands on the counter. 

“Fine, you wanna go hard. Then we’re gonna go hard,” Jace chugged his beer and signaled for Maia, “Two tequila shots.” Maia looked at them hesitantly but still ultimately set off to get them their drinks. 

“You ever taken a _proper_ tequila shot?” Jace asked. Alec shook his head. 

“Well, you’re in for a treat.” 

Maia returned a moment later with two shots, two lime wedges, and a shaker of salt. “Look, I know he’s going through something,” she motioned to Alec but stared pointedly at Jace, “but I’m not gonna let you kill him.” 

“I’m not gonna kill him, just get him blackout drunk.” 

Alec swayed suddenly towards Maia and caught himself on the edge of the bar. “I need it.” 

Maia rolled her eyes. “What you need is a glass of water. Be right back.” 

Alec shifted ungracefully towards Jace. “I like Maia. I like everyone in the Downworld, and I don’t know how to protect any of them.”

Jace patted him on the back. “And they like you -- well most of them, probably.” 

Maia set a glass of water down in front of Alec. “We generally like you more than him,” she said, gesturing towards Jace with her head. Maia then focused all of her attention on Alec. “I’m not gonna bring you anymore booze until you finish this water, okay?” 

“Okay,” Alec repeated back to her. She then headed over towards a Seelie who had beckoned for a refill. Jace shivered. After his recent encounters with Kaelie and the Queen, Seelies left a bad taste in his mouth. 

With shaky, uncoordinated hands, Alec picked up the cup, effectively spilling water droplets all over the bar top as he pressed the glass to his lips. 

“Alec, you’re drooling.” Jace teased.

Alec practically slammed the water back down on the counter. “Are we gonna do shots or not?” 

Jace chuckled. “Okay, fine. Alright, first, lick the back of your hand.” Alec shot him a confused glance but ultimately decided to follow through by slobbering all over his hand. Jace tried and failed to stifle another laugh. 

“Close enough,” Jace said as he artfully swiped over the back of his hand with his tongue. At this point, Jace was a pro when it came to shots. “Now sprinkle some of the salt on top so it sticks.” This time Jace demonstrated before letting Alec go off on his own, but this turned out to be a fruitless gesture as Alec just dumped the salt unceremoniously onto his hand as soon as Jace handed him the shaker. 

“Hey, Buddy. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re a mess.”

“In more ways than one,” Alec mused before chuckling. 

“Alright, now lick the salt and take the shot. Once you’re done, suck on the lime,” Jace instructed. 

Jace watched over Alec to make sure he didn’t spill tequila all over the counter. Maia had proven time and time again that she was extremely capable of kicking Jace’s ass, and Jace didn’t want to add any additional fuel to Maia’s ever-burning flames of rage. 

Alec licked over his hand and clumsily took the shot. He grimaced at the burn from the alcohol, and Jace encouraged him to suck on the lime. Alec fumbled around on the counter for the lime wedge, but he seemed to relax when he took it into his mouth. 

Jace patted him on the back. “Like a champ.” He then followed suit with his own shot, albeit with more grace than Alec. 

Alec slumped down, resting his elbows on the bar. “Magnus never does shots.”

“Are you sure? He’s kind of an alcoholic. He once offered Clary and I cocktails at 9:00 AM.”

Alec shook his head furiously. “Magnus is too refined for shots. He likes to enjoy his alcohol.” Alec looked down at his hands, lost in thought. “I miss him.” 

In that moment, Jace remembered exactly why he had dragged Alec out. Yes, it was entertaining to watch his brother stumble his way through the nuances of drinking, but they weren’t hanging out just for the hell of it. 

Alec was so tightly wound with responsibilities, expectations, and obligations as both the Head of the New York Institute and the eldest Lightwood son that Jace was mesmerized Alec hadn’t completely collapsed under the pressure. It was nice to see Alec cut loose for probably the first time in his short young adult life, but they weren’t out drinking just for fun. Alec’s heart was broken and Jace had taken him out for some liquid apathy. Jace was supposed to be comforting Alec, helping him get through the break-up so he could soldier on as their leader. 

He wasn’t supposed to be making fun of his brother’s lack of experience with tequila or making faces at Maia from across the bar. Jace needed to be Alec’s tether, so he didn’t lose himself too deeply in the feeling of loss. Jace needed to help guide Alec through to the other side of heartache, whatever that meant for Alec. 

Jace swallowed. “I know you do.” It wasn’t much. Jace had never been good at comforting people, but at least he was trying. 

Alec perked up. “I’m gonna call him,” he said as he reached into his pocket for his cell phone. 

Jace’s eyes widened in response, and he cautiously placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder, slowly drawing Alec’s hand out of his pocket. “I don’t think you should do that.” 

Alec pouted at him. _By the Angel_. Fearless leader Alexander Lightwood, master archer and chief Shadowhunter extraordinaire, just gave him angry puppy dog eyes and a whiny lip because he didn’t get his way. Under other circumstances, Jace would’ve snapped a picture to save as blackmail for later, but Alec was vulnerable at the moment, so Jace decided against taking advantage of him. 

“Why not?” Alec huffed, crossing his arms and turning away from him. 

“Well, for starters, you’re drunk.” 

“I am not,” Alec countered as he twisted around in his seat to meet Jace. He overshot the force necessary to turn and instead fell forward into Jace’s lap. Jace braced himself against the bar top. He had a reputation to maintain and falling out of his chair in public wouldn’t be great for his ego. 

“I rest my case,” Jace said as he motioned towards the scene in front of him. 

Alec settled back down onto his stool. “Fine, I’m drunk. I still wanna talk to Mags.” 

“If he’s as mad as you say he is, then you should give him some space,” Jace protested. 

“But I love him.” Alec’s voice was small, almost far away, his eyes pleading and forlorn. 

Jace swallowed a lump in his throat. “I know you do.” 

Alec was slowly crumbling before him. Alec had been taught all of his life to be stoic in public, that he was a soldier above all else and that emotions only got in the way of doing his duty -- all shadowhunters were taught this. 

And Alec was about to breakdown in the middle of Hunter’s Moon, where there would be _witnesses_ to his weakness. It was definitely the best course of action to get him out of there as soon as possible. Jace knew that Alec would be mortified when he sobered up if he found out that the other downworlders caught wind of his personal issues. 

“Hey,” Jace placed his hand on Alec’s shoulder, “we should get out of here.” Alec just nodded in response. 

Jace flagged down Maia with a wave. She looked down at Alec’s half finished glass of water and frowned. “I’m not bringing you two another round ‘til he finishes the water. That was our deal.” 

“I’m just looking for the check,” said Jace.

Maia’s face softened and she nodded. “Back in a minute,” she called as she headed over to the register to calculate their bill. She returned a moment later and left the black folio in front of Jace.

While he was settling their tab, Maia turned her attention to Alec. “He’ll come around,” she said in her most soothing voice. Alec looked up at her, eyes wide. “Whatever you did, he’ll come around.” 

Alec mumbled a, “Thanks,” as he shifted around in his seat uncomfortably, and Jace slid the check over to Maia. “Thanks for taking care of us,” he offered. 

“No problem, and make sure to take care of yourselves,” she said as they got up to leave. 

Jace, Alec, and all of the other shadowhunters spent their whole lives fighting a never ending war. They lived their lives knowing that they could die at any moment. It was a terrifying thought, but they had all learned to accept it long ago. 

What Jace couldn’t accept was watching his brother suffer from the loss of his love because there was nothing he could do to make it better. This pain couldn’t be healed with a quick iratze. He couldn’t slice into Alec’s heartache with a seraph blade the way he could rip apart a Ravener demon. Alec’s misery wouldn’t disappear out of their realm with a simple swing of a blade. 

Alec’s healing would only come with time, and even that wasn’t set in stone. In the back of his mind, Jace knew the only way to ensure Alec would truly be okay again was if he reunited with Magnus, but he wasn’t sure if that was possible anymore. 

All Jace could do was sit and hope that love would find its way back to Alec.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story, make sure to come find me on [tumblr](http://hourglassmermaid.tumblr.com/) for some more fun! 
> 
> Next installment will focus on Magnus being comforted by Ragnor (as long as everything goes as planned), so stay tuned~~


End file.
